"I could feel his tears running down my neck"

The raven thinks it sits alone, but the moon is always watching.

6-10-2005
"So here I am. Sitting on my bed in France at 11:03pm so it's 4:03pm in the lovely city of Manchester, where, I am assuming, you are at. You came across my thoughts as I sit here so I thought I would write to you. Although you will not get this until I am back home and see you because your address is a mystery to me. So I sit here and I think what is he doing right now. Realistically you would be at work but I'd like to think you are doing something better like painting a picture of an old man playing chess with his grandson or dancing at the local swing scene. No matter what you are doing I hope you can smile or at the very least thing happy thoughts. France is beautiful. And crazy at the best of times. I had a little boy tell me that I was cute while I was walking down the street. It made me laugh. the ice cream here is amazing. I <3 ice cream. Today I ate it twice! (I'm going to grow fat if this keeps up, but at least it will happen with me smiling) I had a very good raspberry one and another that was chocolate and coffee-ish with crunchy bits of something in it. (are you hungry for it yet? :) Being here in France makes my desire to live outside the country greater. I mean besides the language barrier which is somewhat breeched, life is great. its nice and exciting and beautiful. What I find even more amazing is that the sun that just lit up my beautiful and new day is now over you and hopefully shining its light on something beautiful.
<3"

I Got Your Back

New painting. The bird, the tree, the bush, the moon, and the elephant. Symbolic representations of a new life.

Life has become funny. I do not know what to predict lately. People say the darnedest things, they act crazy, and present me with silly situations. Left, Right, Up, Down...I get all tangled up in the head. Eventually everything gets cleared up in the end. In the end. That is my new philosophy. No matter what, we will have all this figured out in the end.
At this current moment I'm having a conversation with the best guy I know in the world. It's refreshing to hear things the way the are. No political correctness. "The grass is always the same color on the other side." This man gives good advice. One of the last people who I really trust 100%.
Thank you dearly

Hard to Explain

Law-Dog doing her pose. When in Greece, do as the Grecians do.

I suppose I sometimes come off as a pretty confident and maybe even a bit cocky. Sometimes I feel very confident. Other times I lie in bed and question why I do what I do and cannot come up with an answer. I always have tried to look into the mirror of life and get a good gauge of who I am and why I am doing the things I do. I cannot quite pin down my thinking lately in one area. Am I feeling this because it is so hard and nearly impossible and I am just that stubborn/determined person? Or is it because I really think that it is worth it?
Either way I have a new philosophy as of the past week and I'm going to try my best to stick to it.
Last night candy was falling, jaws were dropping, and the sweat was everywhere.
Countdown: 3 year and 6 months. I have to start getting ready.

What a beautiful face, I have found in this place

A fallen hero.

How do we know each other?
Dear Fernando,
Yesterday was amazing. We sailed the seas and stole rays from the sun. The wind rushed over our bodies and took with it all of our frustrations. This one day will be my remedy this year. I wait 364 days for this 1 a year. When we were kids we would play football behind your house. The other kids called me a Tom-Boy, but it didn't matter to me as long as you approved of me. I can still remember your dreams of becoming a race car driver and driving "a billion miles an hour." You wore a white t-shirt with a hole under your left arm and I wore that horrible brown sweatshirt. I confess that at the age of 10 I had dreams of marrying you. Now, I must hide the pain of not being married to you through drinking. I sometimes laugh myself to sleep, but other times I cry myself to sleep. I wonder how much can I really take. Oh Fernando, I have always seen a special light shining from your eyes. I'm sorry if this letter will make you feel awkward, but my true feelings must be known.


Love Sigourney

p.s. i beg of you to find time to write me back. Please Fernando.

A letter I received from K.B.:

"What a nice looking group of young men! I had never seen your other brother before now.

I am so glad you are going to be a teacher! It sounds silly, but I was telling my husband about you and I told him how it is always teachers that influence kids and students are always coming back to say hi to past teachers. I told him there was one student, (you!), who touched my life. I told him that no matter what was going on in the classroom, you always made me smile! Your students-to-be are going to be so lucky to have you as there teacher. You should come and teach at South! Where are you planning to settle down? Any ideas! AHHHHH, the thought of being single and being able to go anywhere at anytime - savor the moments! I am glad you will be able to travel. Where do you want to go?

I am sorry to hear about your girlfriend. Break ups are so hard, you actually may want to be in physical pain then the pain you feel emotionally - I know, trust me. I am glad things are going better now and you are happy! It's funny how you think that ONE person is the one, and then you meet someone else and life all falls in place. Enjoy your time to yourself now though, it will be well worth it. Your ex is one crazy gal!!!

Looking forward to seeing you in August! Keep in touch!"

My family grows by the day and while I feel the love of so many people, it pushes away my time for people who have always been there for me. I must do anything I can do to keep my relationship strong with my biological family.

All of the Good

1005 Jefferson is a house of porches and clothes-lines and guitar playing and food cooking. Good memories will come from here.

I want to know what it feels like to look into your eyes and feel so alive and know that you look in mine and feel the same. I want to reach out my hand and meet yours and feel a connection of warmth running from your body to mine. I yearn for that connection of awkwardness that will make my heart flutter like I'm 16 all over again. I sit here tonight wondering if you are thinking of me at the same time that I am thinking of you. I wonder if your mind gets overwhelmed like mine does. I wonder if late at night you lie on your back, looking up at a dark ceiling and think about me. You have passion, confidence, compassion, dreams, and a bright future that I always want to know. You have so much on your mind, that I hope you find a peace inside that.

Also blog, I still owe you tornado stories and pictures, and country stories and pictures. Don't let me forget.

Last of a Dying Breed

Paint Paint Paint until you faint.

Like Ludacris, the ranks have been narrowed and I'm still standing. Bill, Bryan, and Shawn have all been fired in the past 2 weeks. That leaves Daniel and I. Should I keep rocking the slumberyard or is it time to abandon ship?

Tonight I walked around the block looking for any creatures as lonely as I am tonight. Out of the darkness ran a tiny kitten. She looked like she was barely hanging onto life. We connected in a way I cannot describe.
Sometimes this is really hard and I question if what I am doing it right. All I can afford to do is live each day as best I can and follow my heart. I have to have that blind faith that my heart is being true and that it won't lead me astray.
Art and music are in full swing. Now I must let the sun warm my bones and my mind and hands will do the rest.

between the chins and corn

A new beginning once again. Life begins to blur together with too many memories.

a storm is heading this way. from over top the mountains you can feel the wind changing. lets wait it out. let this storm blow over. you and i can sit here and watch this thunderous storm pass. sit here on my lap patiently. of you, this is all i ask.

i will poor all of my energy into your lives. my anger, rage, love, and emotions will pour down on your significant heads. the piano notes will drip down. the sound lingers in your eyes like a beautiful headache. save me. please save me! lend me your hand and give me your strength. someone please empower me with the mind i will need to overcome it all.

circular motion.

The lights glow from Jefferson on a stormy night in early June.

Long long long ago,
Back when the dinosaurs roamed,
And the mosquitoes were the size of birds,
And I used to believe in you.

You were my best man and I was your inner child. Until this morning I would have placed you in the top 10 people I could trust with anything. Now, your name has been removed from my list. My trust was broke once again by someone who I cared for deeply and it has shaken my view point of who I can trust.

I recline underneath a swift ceiling fan tonight,
The air steadily blowing on my skin,
And the loud claps of thunder in my ears,
And I wonder which eyes will be the ones that are true,
And which eyes are the ones that will hurt me.

Running

I'm on the move. My feet are swift, but my lungs are weak. I am running out of air. She glides and sometimes my life slides when I can't be myself.


‘Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.’
— Thomas Edison

Sometimes I struggle with the 1 percent. The 99 is never the problem.

a fortune cookie

heads spin as we work around the clock
when i find what im looking for, will it even be what i want?
i must keep walking and i must keep searching.
tonight my feet are tired as i strum on these strings
the buzz of vehicles pass me by.
when my top and bottom eye lashes touch i will dream of you
and tomorrow i will continue my search.

I could really use a good talking to from monkey mind right now, but I think I'll have to wait on that.