The tree that I often escaped to as a child. I can never forget the past.
This morning I woke up. My eyes were as wide as dinner plates. I laid there and romantically listened to Chicago by Sufjan Stevens again. Alternating visions of the pain I have known and the dreams I have ran through my mind. I realize how many mistakes I have made and apologize for all of them. I have hurt people and held people back from doing great things. I'm not proud of much of my life, but I working on it. Deep down I know that my dreams will carry me throughout life. I have always been a dreamer and always will be. I have helped a lot of people and think I am someone who has a gift for relating to any and everyone. But above all, I am still learning to love and appreciate.
As we grow, we gain knowledge. I learned that you have to look out for yourself before you look out for other people. I've done this the past 6 months and have seen many benefits from it, but with those benefits has come a huge sense of guilt. I have covered my guilt up with helping more people. I reach out to those around me that I see may need help. Complete strangers, old friends, and family members have all been my targets. It is not a perfect system, but it is what gets me by right now.
Chicago
Listening to this song
It makes me wonder where your heart is
Why aren't your hands on my chest as the sun rises
Do you ever think about me when you are with him
I am left with memories of waking up to your heart beating loud
The steady beat of someone so optimistic about this dirty world we live in
You were the only person I knew who would lose sleep over my feelings
I miss those dreams I had
I miss that
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