Standing Outside Your Window

For the past week I have been walking around with allergies in my pocket. Its the things bringing me down on a daily basis. The bottled up feelings, emotions, and thoughts weigh heavy on my mind.

Today I stepped out into the world and felt the sun on my skin. My eyes squinted as I looked up at the sun. I know its not good for you, but I wanted to see what was making me feel so good.

I like to think of myself as mysterious, but often I think that makes me close off my feelings. I don't feel like I connect with many people in the sense that I get to be myself completely. I need to work on that to accomplish my goals. I still let fear of the unknown hold me back and I have to keep working on that. I'm sorry to anyone who I have been reserved to. I'm working on it.


hi claire!

God's Favorite Number

Slowly it crawls down your throat. A slow seductive spread to your lungs. The oral fixation calms your shaky nerves as you lean hard against the brick wall.
Why do you need this? Why can't you just breathe deep and let the stress roll off your mind and fall to the ground?
Gentle souls breathe heavy on cold January nights. Your eyes tell the story of your past, present, and future.

Secret Princess Club

I'm still the giving tree. Throw it all at me, because I can take it. Your hateful words bounce off me because I know you. I know you are a scared child that is scared that someone can look into your eyes and know you. So it goes. I have no words of hate because I've got the peace within. I am practicing what you preached. I really do hope one day that you find the love.

The forecast calls for rain

"you need someone with passion and conviction who will take a chance"

I traveled up I-29 and you traveled down I-29. We met in the middle and exchanged glances. We both were nervous.
Now? Things seem different. Preparing myself for couch time again. I'm not scared, just prepared.

Eye's tell of what's behind

I travel at 76 miles per hour down interstate 70, headed eastbound. The fog is heavy and so are my thoughts.
My mind wonders about my future, our future, and everyone I knows future. My mind becomes a web that captures, distorts, and processes goals and dreams of different people.
I think about a certain one that makes me smile. The second my mind touches that thought, the car in front of me throws a lit cigarette out the window.

My eyes see fireworks.

A few minutes later my mind revisited that thought, and exactly on cue, that car throws another lit cigarette out the window.

My eyes see fireworks again.

Coincidence? Probably. At least I saw something so pretty.

our hearts; incognito

you never even knew it.

What makes you smile?

A late night of driving has left me smiling today. 8 hours on the road in exchange for 4 hours of your eyes was well worth it. I felt some sort of rebirth as my 1994 Honda Accord tore through the foggy night. I was born on a very foggy day in February of 1986. On a foggy night in January of 2010, I may have had an awakening that will refresh my spirit.
Some how it all feels like a dream. Your words written on that sugar packet are all the physical evidence I have to prove you are real.

Sitting on the Dead Sea

The ink on my yellow notepad is slightly smudged today. You might think someone who writes as much as I do would have a better understanding of how they feel and their emotions, but you would be wrong.

Last night my eyes would not shut
my mind was working overtime
your voice consumed my ears
the thought of you consumed my mind

you would be worth every ounce of effort my body could produce
your words have calmed me and given something to smile about
my lackadaisical approach may have caught up with me
a day late and a buck short once again

once again a lack of self-expression has left me frustrated and in tears
if you could just climb inside my mind
then maybe you would understand
all i can do is smear the ink on my pad because those words are not enough

if i could sing i would sing you the most beautiful song
if i could paint i would paint you the most beautiful painting
all i can offer is what you have got to know
the me that has made you smile and laugh at 4am is all i can offer

i sit here without any power to know if you are ok
i struggle with putting my feelings before yours
i just wish you knew
i just wish your heart trusted mine

i just wish....

Ups, Downs, and Away We Go

You may only have one chance. With that chance you will fail or succeed. I am hopefully prepared.
Ourselves are all we should ever be. Stay true blue.

You got it all wrong, do the twist

A mix of emotions and feelings run through my brain, but thats what happens when you take chances.
Like digging through the pantry knowing that you won't find anything appealing in there and then all the sudden you spot something. Your favorite food was hidden this whole time....now you look for the expiration date. All you can do is hope and pray that it isn't expired.

It is now weird using this as more of a diary than anything with my computer down for the count.

A Brand New Soundtrack

It's the eyes. I was completely wrong. It is all in the eyes.

An odd mix of slow motion and everyday flying by is occurring. I look forward to the days, the nights, and everything in between. This was supposed to be my 2 months of hell. Instead I have been given immense inspiration for each day. My feet float above the ground. There is an incredible amount of things to worry about right now, but it rolls off my shoulders as I am lifted up. I am terrified to mess up right now, and have so many questions about logistical things, but I have come to peace with it.

This could all be gone by tomorrow, but I have a feeling. I don't know. I can't explain this. The same stars are above our heads and the same melody in our heads. She is pushing me and I like it.

I need some knee pads

So my computer is most likely dead. Pictures, music, memories, and all my old schoolwork may be lost. Oh well. I'm not that upset really. Not at all.

Once in a great while something special stumbles into your life. It's not what you are looking for. Nor does the timing of it make any sense, but I am thankful.
What could it end up being? I have no idea. I am just excited that something has went in my favor. I feel very blessed.
Hopefully I will have more when I get work done on my computer. Hopefully.

Take care of each other; we're all we got.

Come Soon Month of March

Before you read this post, please go to the following link and set your speakers to a level of 24 or so. Make it so the song is the perfect level to blend with your thoughts and provide an experience as you read my blog entry. (All Nouvelle Vague is amazing)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CLN-2hwvBg

we could sit on a little boat in the middle of lake michigan. we could just sit there soaking up the late day sun.
i would bring a guitar and you could pack us something to eat. we could just sit there and listen to the smiles we give each other and the lake talking to us. we could question everything and still feel the comfort of each others presence. you would probably start humming a beautiful song, and i could add some harmony.
no desire to go back to shore. you and me will float the day away. you will sing for the stars and my mind will fight against time. no desire, ever, to leave.

Will you come with me? Sing a song with me.


Go see this movie. It really is that good.
Away We Go

Hello 2010. This is the future. This is the present.
I have decided against New Years Resolutions this year. They become plans, and frankly my plans always fall through. Instead I have my goals this year. I'm excited to flip the calender and face this new year of excitement, adventure, and uncharted waters.
Cheers