This is my warning to you. Stay clear. At all costs, avoid her like the plague my friend; she is no good. Not one bit.
Most people ask questions because they are curious of the answers, but not her. Don't be fooled. Her priority list starts and ends with one word and that word is her name. She'll call you up to ask how you are, but she really just wants you to know how she is.
In a small town, she would have a reputation in town, but in a large city she can drift in and out with a low profile. So many new people to hear her empty words. Her desire for attention will grow old and wear thin on your patience. She walks in circles, going no where. Why? Because she does what satisfies the short term feelings of her ADHD mind. If I had to give two words of advice, they would be to stay away.
She will talk to you, call you, and even come hang around, but only when someone can do something for her. Don't get me wrong, she cares about other people but her selfishness gets in the way of that. A friend to her is someone who can help her in the moment. Stay away.
If you are shiny enough you may spark her interest for a day/week/month, but when the weather dulls your shininess, the girl will drift. You will be left to lick your wounds.
Don't think for a second that you can change her. Just wait and see, because one day your phone will stop ringing.
I say this not out of anger, spite, or any other negative feelings. This is just my warning to you dear friend. She is in it for herself and one day, sooner than later, she will drift to the next shiny boy. My advice? Stay away.
Abandoned by the very thing you once held so close. It is something that still exists; it even looks similar, but is but a shell of its former self. You are left standing alone in the rain and feel truly alone.
This thing has driven away your friends, family, and hobbies. Not only abandoned, you are an altered self that only is brought down by this dead weight.
Held up by upbringing, morals and pride, you stand as tall as possible with the sun setting behind you. What legacy will you leave? Will your thoughts, memories and dreams be muffled by your shadow?
An Uncle? Me? I thought it would be a long time coming, but apparently the times, they are a changing. I'm nervous no doubt. But let us not forget my excitement. A little baby boy on the way.
A new location, new job, family changes, and friend changes lead to a full mind and a full schedule.
The river creeps higher as the rainwater settles in. A boy becomes curious and swims into this new territory. He finds a whole new world. Suddenly, he looks behind him to see the the river has receded. He is now trapped in this puddle. The hot July sun cooks the earth, and with it his water becomes less and less. He is now trapped and the walls are closing in around him.
It was once good to be a big fish in the river, but being the big fish in a dwindling puddle leaves him vulnerable.
Death is inevitable.
There is fire in my palms and cool water between my ears. Don't you realize my tongue can cause whip lash? And you, you dream of understanding a word I say. Open your mind, soul, and heart up. Cause shit is about to roll down hill.
Top down, rolling fast through the streets of STL. The city glows as we approach. The thick Saint Louis summer air is hard to hold down on a warm summer night.
We stare at broken clocks, lost ticks locked inside the interior, screaming to get out. It was 8:45 always and I wondered what warranted that strange occurrence, whether it was something greater than a slowing of gears or the forgetfulness of the technician. I wondered if the clock was like a heart, pulsing away with the stacked lines of a ribcage; always strong and steady, but eventually gave up trying to mimic Time, just like a heart would give up myself. Now it’s always 8:45 and not a second too late.
Walls are made to stop short people and people with no desire. I am neither, so the walls will not stop me.
Once you have tasted the sweetness that is associated with loving life, it is hard to go back. It's that amazing feeling of going somewhere to better something. That's what I love and that's what I will always strive for. The blessings of this world must not get by me. I am the fortress with passion, success, and love.
Not just anyone can take what I have. I have traveled so far in 25 years and there is no end in sight. 28 years old....that's bullshit.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Sometimes it all feels so heavy. All things considered, I am very proud of my life and the decisions I have made.
Dance and sing, for the hearts will smile upon you.
Renaissance Man On top of the world with ideas and plans sunroof down arm out the window singing along to level 30 basking in the sunshine there isn't a better way to live
music, locally grown food, live music, sing-a-longs, sunshine, and ambitions.
Living in the Delmar Loop: I have finally turned into a tight pants wearing hipster who wants to play guitar and harmonica after discussing the meaning of life with wise old men.
I'd like to think you are doing something better like painting a picture of an old man playing chess with his grandson or dancing at the local swing scene. All in all, I find it weird that the thing I want most is also my greatest fear. . . . gives me too much time to think and what I think drives me crazy.
When the aliens land, who will speak to them? Will they come and we will not understand a word they say?
Frustration growing? They tell us everything they know, but we cannot understand. They are different. Distant. Our minds are small to new ideas. This is our death.
What do we fight? Our minds fighting themselves? Me fighting other people?
My mind is mine. I try to change aspects of it, but I cannot control everything. I am who I am.
Why fight humans? We are elbow to elbow with so many other people. There will always be some type of struggle for position among them, but why spend so much time battling? A group effort can help us all.
Nature is something that man has always tried to tame. This is where my battle is. To be close to mother nature, and close to myself.
I am learning and this is what Like.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Hello February and hello massive rain storm. Sicily has been truly amazing so far and I feel as though I have learned a great deal. My passion for writing has died here, but I think it just has to do with the lack of mind activity I have here. My body needs more rest and my mind is at ease. Being disconnected for the most part is a very positive thing I think. I enjoy it. So much to write, so little time.
It is time to hit the road. Take to the skies. Fly high above and watch the clouds drift behind. A new place with a familiar face seems more than alright to me. Now if I can just manage to not forget anything...
So long America, land of the free and home of the brave. I was just too bored in your borders to stay forever. A large tank will grow a big fish. And a big fish is who I intend to be.
You feel old already. It's only your first day, but you vaguely remind me of 2009. It could be the regrets eating at my mind, the slight depression I feel, or just the cold weather nipping at my nose. A walk in the cold today has made me feel alive, but I feel disconnected.
Solidarity seems appropriate today. Cut off from the outside world.
You don't quite understand me and have no desire to. That is something I am unfamiliar with. Is it me? Have I lost that edge of my personality? Am I really getting so old that I am boring? Is it that I have diversified too much to the point where I am so spread out I lack passion?