5 minutes to change the world

Eyes peering out. Fearing a fearful place. Longing for a warm embrace.

You should see the way she looks into my eyes. Her face brings fire and passion to my brain. Like she is in the Iditarod, she has the drive, desire, and confidence to go the whole way. A deceiving look of shyness, her brain moves at one million miles an hour. A thinker like you and I, she rips through ideas, dreams, and consequences. Her eyes show me this.
In a time where so many of my peers have lost, unwillingly changed, or just forgotten about their dreams, she is refreshing. Our dreams make us who we are. They make us happy, passionate people who have the ability to change the world around us. That is power. That is inspiration. That is truth.

two tickets to iron maiden baby

Reflections of who we are. Of what we value. Of who we love.

People are who they are. For better or for worse, people are themselves. It is foolish to think people will change.
Craziest and most exciting weekend ever? probably.

there is more to life

Time stood still. The colors faded. Even on a rainy day, the sun still shines.

Simply and Direct
Do not be afraid.
Whether it is easy or tough, be fair and true.
I wish I could be honest with you,
but the situation will not let me.
I do not lie.
Well there was that once,
but otherwise I just beat around the bush.
It is my morals, my mind, my sleep,
these are the things that hold me back.
I know sleep with the windows open every night.
The cold air seeps in under my covers.
I shiver because I like to be cold.
Memories of past and future are there with me.
Painful at times,
but I feel stronger.
I feel more open.
I am the guy who is nervous, but not afraid.
I am the guy who loves a challenge.
I am the guy who plans too much in his head.
I am the guy who can now open up very easily.
I am the guy who works to make himself better everyday.
I am the guy who is documenting his faults.
I am the guy who would bend over backwards for a number of people.
I am the guy who now loves emotion.
I am the guy who now knows truly how to live and love.

Honesty is my new backbone.

"You think you deserve that pain but you don't."

In the end

J.D.B on the summit of the hill. It may be rusty, but it holds the weight.

In a time of disbelief,
There are things that get you through your day.
Even if they are not forever,
They shield your heart from the wind.
Thank you.

I know who I am.
I know who I'll always be.
I have move beyond the past,
And embraced a future.
No more struggling to fit in,
Lying to feel the same,
I know who I am,
And people think it is interesting.

the road.

The road is full of patchwork and repairs, but it still gets you there.

If I could stick with my goals, word, and promises I would be in a lot better situation.
If you stick to your goals, word, and promises then things will be alright.
Do not let me forget those two things.

Congratulations.
I want to eat your brain and absorb all your knowledge please.

Promises Broke Before They Were Made

A face glides through a barren landscape. Find life. Find passion. Find Emotion.

Stale bread is sitting on my plywood table.
The stale taste lingers in the back of my mind.
On a long cross country drive, I see myself.
On a holiday is where I learned to lie.

I hope my memory has been included in everything else you forget. I hope I took reminders with me so you can not think of me. This is the way I want it. Where my soul is dead and gone. The reality of my flesh slowly is fading coast to coast. Blank and I will travel. We will see this great land. And through my muscles and love, I will embrace the world.

Life works out how it does for a reason. A month here, and a year here and everything would be so different. It is just a continuous journey from one stop to the next. There are potholes along the way, but if you pay close attention you can avoid most of them. I am glad my stop seems to be coming up. I've only been dodging potholes for a short time, but I am tired of them already.
A whole year? How did you do it?
I'm only pretty sure that this is a ray of sunshine, but I'm acting on it and appreciating. Well internally I am appreciating, now I am going to vocalize it. Vocalize your life. Remember each feeling whether its good or bad.

Silly Morals

The dripping down can be frozen in time. Eventually everything falls.

A compass of life pointing where to go and what to do. Each step is carefully calculated to mean exactly what you want it to. The words of your mouth come out slow with guided meanings.
The days have not become any easier. My friends worry about my heart. I tell them I am strong and know what I am doing. I hope I am right. Undici Quindici cannot come fast enough.
この世界は、共有すべきとても多くの話を持っている美しい人と学ぶべきレッスン〔教訓〕でいっぱいです。 私はそれらの全てに会うことができたならいいのにと思います。

Stimulate the Intellect

Tree behind the house. If I fell you would catch me.

3's of me

our voices are bouncing off satellites through those long and lonely nights.
where you lie in your bed thinking of me and i lie in mine thinking of you.
many months stare at me on a calender and i stare back at it.
i try to breathe and feel at ease but my bones are anxious.
this is all i have to live for; this is all i need.

this is the note where you said you've always wanted to be happy.
this is the moment in time where i realized how beautiful you could be.
this is the scars on my arms that i gave myself to remember how you hurt me.
this is my life and the complete history of my past.

your hair in my hands and your soft fingers on my face.
these images invade and control my dreams like a virus.
my pseudo memories of our love lingers after my eyes awake.
i threw myself out of the tree and you were there waiting to catch me.
something i want so bad but when i reach my arms out, they go straight through your body.
you are my love ghost.
i will chase you.
i will put my hands out until i feel your warmth.
until my arms stop on your soul.
my eyes will light up.
i can appreciate you when he cannot.
i can show you a new world.
i can make you happy and you would make me happy.

Everyday People - Practice Round

This is Jennifer


I met Jennifer in G&B cafe in Green City Missouri. When I first walked in there were 3 other men in the cafe. All three seemed to be farmers of some sort and all three were smoking. So was Jennifer. They talked about the upcoming election and bad cops in the area. One of the men was running for Mayor of Green City. I wished him luck. They also spoke about how we should let kids be kids and make some silly mistakes. I didn't chime in much on their conversation but I agreed with a lot of what they said.
They soon left and it was just Jennifer and I in the establishment. This is what I learned:
Jennifer was from Brookfield Missouri and I actually have some distant relatives who live there. She had heard of them before. She moved to Green City to live with her boyfriend and to get away from the drama that was going on in Brookfield. She has one daughter who is grown, but the two are not on speaking terms. She currently works here and at a restaurant in Unionville. Between the two jobs she works 7 days a week, but really needs the money. She has had numourous other job offers since moving to Green City, but two jobs is enough for her. She told stories about working in a meat factory and how it was the best job she had ever had. 7 days a week and they paid $9.50 an hour. She lost that job because she smelled rotten meat once and got sick for over three weeks. She also worked at IHOP in Kansas City and loved the money but hated all the kids who would come in minutes before they were supposed to close. She would rather be bored than busy. She is very concerned with the weather and talked in great deal about the past, present, and future weather conditions. It made for decent small talk. She has had a wild past and got into somethings she shouldn't have, but "you live and learn". She has tattoos on her neck but didn't want to go into what they stood for. She also sent quite a few text messages to her boyfriend and you could tell in this new place she felt a sense of being reborn and a fresh start. We talked about drama that goes on sometimes in the cafe and she mentioned how she really tried not to listen to it or get involved in anyway. She has been a part of drama for so long, she didn't want that to be part of her new life.
She was a strong person, yet so young seeming. I still feel sometimes like a little boy sitting there but she made me feel old and wise. She gave me a free refill on my orange juice and told me not to tell anyone she did that. She was sweet, but reserved. For only having lived in this new city for three weeks she had a lot of say about it. There was a lot going on inside her head. It was refreshing. Jennifer was incredibly candid about some things and I don't feel comfortable going into those, but she has lived a rough life, but has found a way to sprout up this spring with new hope.
Thank you Jennifer.

Carved my name into your legacy

The names of people I want to know. They are out there and want to be heard.

To end your life in pain and suffering is terrible. Not being in control and losing out on what each sunrise has to offer. The happiness is slowly being drained out of our bodies through tubes. Our closest friends and family watch as we are helpless to make things better on their distressed faces. This is not something I would wish on anyone. This must have been incredibly painful to witness from both sides or the bed. I am sorry.
Here I sit living a good life and loving the people around me. My days are not quite achieving sunrises yet, but I am working on it. The sunsets are still beautiful and the stars in the sky are brilliant deep in the country. I want to wake up early for the sunrise. I want to sit on top of my car and watch the sunset. I want the life that I once dreamed of. Lets make our dreams into reality. I will help you if you help me.
Trial Run Rules:
1. Slow down. Control your heart beats. Time is not a factor. No rush. Ask questions. Listen intently but also notice body language.
2. Do not stand out in appearance. If you feel distant, then the words will be distant. Do not copy accents though.
3. Be yourself and comfortably open up. Do no be scared to let them know who you are. Both the good and the bad. Eye contact. Do not be scared of anything.
4. Make sure they know how important they are. They are important whether they can see it or not.
5. Be honest. No stretching the truth to fit in more or to get attention. Be true blue.
6. Have fun and learn. From that I can be happy. The main points of life achieved.

Be safe out there and take care of one another.

I do it from the heart

The start of it all. Read it and weep B.Y.

This post is dedicated to emotion.
Lately my emotions come in bursts; so many different ones at the same time. Optimistic while sympathy. Jumping for joy while I mourn. I feel more calm and collected than ever, but could jump down the next bloke's face. If you can't deal with emotion then you are not cut out for this game. Sooner or later you will foul out and the view from the bench just isn't what you'd think.
How dare you tell me who to love, where to go, or how to live my life. I've got more sense in my left ear than you have in your whole body. I'm fully aware of my actions, words, and thoughts. I walk the dog, go around the world, and rock the baby without hesitation. Its not because I have decided to show off, its out of necessity.
No one I talked to would have guessed things would have progressed this fast; not even me. Underestimating and making mental plans will always come back to get you.